5 Game-Changing Lessons I Wish I Knew Before College Visits: How to Choose the Right College

If you’re a parent trying to help your teen navigate the college search — and feeling overwhelmed — I’m right there with you.

I’ve got three kids: one about to graduate college, one deep in the process as a high school junior, and one in middle school already watching all of this unfold. So yes — I’m living this season right now (and bracing to do it all over again).

And even though I now work in the college planning world, I didn’t start there. When I went through this process the first time with my oldest, I was teaching preschool — not an admissions officer, not a financial planner, definitely not an expert.

I learned a lot from the mistakes I made that first time around. And while I’m still not an expert, I’ve picked up a lot being in this space every day, and I’m lucky to work with an incredible team of experts at College Aid Pro who continue to teach me.

One thing I’ve realized — and I wish I had known sooner — is this:

The questions you ask shape the entire college search experience.

Asking better questions helps you and your teen see beyond the polished brochures and pretty campus tours. It helps your teen take ownership of this decision — because as much as we want to help, we’re not the ones going to college. And it helps avoid heartbreak when a school isn’t actually the right academic, social, or financial fit — even if it looked perfect at first.

So today, I want to share five lessons I’ve learned (and am still learning) as a parent walking through this process — and if these help your family avoid some of the stress and mistakes we made, I’ll be grateful.

And because I know how hard it is to figure out what to ask, I also put together a free resource I wish I had back then — “50 Must-Ask Questions to Find the Right College (and the Right Price!)” — but more on that later.

1. First Impressions Can Be Misleading — Ask What Actually Matters

When I think back to the first college tours I did with my oldest, I realize now how much we were swayed by first impressions.

One campus was beautiful. The students looked happy. The tour guide was engaging and funny. My daughter loved it — and to be honest, so did I.

But months later, when we dug deeper, we realized that school wasn’t a great academic fit, and financially it would have been a real stretch.

Looking back, I wish I had asked questions like:

“What percentage of students graduate in four years?”
 “How easy is it to get classes needed for your major?”

It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement, but asking questions like these can reveal things you won’t find in the brochures.

2. You Have to Talk About Money — Sooner Than You Think

This was probably the hardest lesson I learned. Like a lot of parents, we didn’t want to limit our daughter’s dreams. But waiting to talk about cost until after she fell in love with a school? Big mistake.

When that acceptance letter came, and we realized the price tag was way out of reach, it was heartbreaking to tell her we couldn’t make it work.

With my second, we’ve taken a different approach — we talk about money early and honestly. Before we visit any school, we ask things like:

“What’s the real total cost for a family like ours — after scholarships and aid?”
 “Are scholarships renewable every year, or only for freshmen?”

It’s not always an easy conversation, but it’s better than having it too late.

And if you want to see the real costs for your family at those schools you are planning on touring check out our MyCAP software.  We’ll show you what you can expect to pay and give you merit scholarship estimates and need-based grant estimates.  Create your free MyCAP account today!

3. Let Your Teen Take the Lead (Even When You Want to Jump In)

I’ll be honest — when we’re on a tour and my teen is standing there quietly, it’s hard not to step in and ask all the questions myself.

But I’ve learned that if I do all the asking now, how will they learn to do it later when they’re on their own?

So before a visit, I’ll say:

“Here are some good questions we might want to ask — but I’d love for you to pick a few that feel important to you.”

Some of their favorites have been:

“What do students wish they had known before coming here?”
 “How easy is it to switch majors?”
“If you could change one thing about this school, what would it be?”

Sometimes they ask. Sometimes they don’t. But it’s part of the growing-up process — for both of us.

4. Go Beyond the Tour — Find the Real Story

Campus tours are great — but let’s be honest, they’re a sales pitch.

What I’ve learned is that the real story comes from what you do outside the official tour:

  • Stopping random students to ask what they think about life there.
  • Checking out the dorms and dining halls without the admissions team leading you.
  • Asking real questions about campus life and safety.

Some of the best conversations we’ve had started with questions like:

“Do you feel like professors know you and care about your success?”
 “What do students do on weekends — do people stick around or head home?”

Because the “feel” of campus matters, but real life there matters more.

5. Think Beyond Freshman Year — What Comes After Matters

With one kid about to graduate, I see now how important it is to think beyond move-in day.

We’ve started focusing more on whether a school sets students up for life after college — not just for a fun four years.

Questions we’re asking now that we never thought of before:

“What percentage of students get internships?”
 “How does the career center help students — and when do they start working with them?”

Because at the end of the day, we want them to launch well — not just get in.

One Thing That’s Helped Our Family — If You Want It Too

If anything I’ve shared has made you think “Wow, I wouldn’t have thought to ask that” — I get it.

I’ve been there, and I’m still there in many ways. That’s why I pulled together a list of 50 questions that we now use as a family — the ones I wish I had in my hand the first time we did this.

👉 If you want a copy to take on visits (or just to help start these conversations at home), you can grab it here — totally free:
Download the 50 Must-Ask Questions to Find the Right College (and the Right Price!)

No pressure, just a resource from one parent to another.

Final Thought — You’re Not Alone

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worried about making the wrong decision, or like you’re already behind — you’re not alone.

I hope sharing some of the lessons we’ve learned (and are still learning) helps make this process feel a little more manageable.

We’re in this together — one honest conversation, one question, and one step at a time.